If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
