I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize