this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
