Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize