At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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