if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
