Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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