And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
