Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
