So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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