you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
