At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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