The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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