hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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