Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
