I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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