True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
