I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
