Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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