i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
