I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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