During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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