now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
