She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
