Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
