I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
