new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
