I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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