Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
