who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
