I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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