hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
