4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
