Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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