I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
