hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
