I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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