if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
