FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
