had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
