fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
