just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize