he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize