Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize