I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
