So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize