Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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