See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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