Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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