Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
