Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
