Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
