3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
