I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
