Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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