Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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