I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
