Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
