I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize