Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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