Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
