ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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