If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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