How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
