he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
