If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
