hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
