I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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