I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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