you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The best revenge is premature balding
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
