I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
