Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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