I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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