I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
