you guys were way drunker than both of me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
