I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
