dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
